Comedy of Closures and Not Quite What I Want

Ever have one of those days where all the fates seem to be conspiring against you, but it's not so much a horrible day, just a humorously off kind of day? Well that's kind of how yesterday went.

After work, two co-workers and I decide that we want to go to the shooting range and see little holes appear through paper people. Both of the guys had just joined a range that is open from dawn till dusk everyday and just requires a code to get in, so you can go whenever.

We arrive at the range and notice that the gate is open. For a place that requires an access code, this is suspicious. When the boys go to close the gate, they notice that the keypad is gone and in its place there's a key lock. Time to call the owner and figure out what's up.

Five minutes and a telephone call later, we learn that the Highway patrol is using the range for training (that's why the keypad is gone. They take it away and leave the gate open so their people can get in). Normally, this would be okay because the owner has other areas that are for members to use when the CHPs take over the main area, but not today. Today happens to be the one day when another law enforcement agency decided that they too were going to come and use the range. Therefore, the range was closed for the whole day to normal members. Figures.

"Beer?"

"Beer."

"Beer!"

Off to the Figueroa Mountain Brewery. We get there and one of my co-workers, Joel, opens the door and walks in. Before my other co-worker, Mike, and I walk in, Joel is pushing the door back open and walking out.

"We're leaving. New place," he states as he books it the other direction.

Mike and I look at each other and turn to Joel; "Huh? What's that about?"

"Dog" comes the reply.

"What kind of dog?"

"Big dog...big growly dog! Growly! Didn't see it, heard it. Left"

In between cracking up, I look at the door and notice that the place doesn't even open for an hour, figures we'd get there too early for a drink.

Mike decides that two failed attempts at something are enough and he's headed home. Joel and I decide that Firestone Brewery is our next stop. Back to the car and a jaunt across the highway to Firestone we go. Two minutes later we're staring at a giant "Closed" sign. Now it's just getting funny. A picture is taken and sent to Mike, cause he needs to know what he's missing by having left already.

So now we're up to three strikes and decide since this is wine country so maybe we should try a tasting room and forget the beer. To Olive House we go cause we know someone that works there and they might hook us up. They're open, but the contact isn't working today. Joel walks in sees they're not there and beelines it back out the door. I see enough of the inside to realize they actually have sweet wine tasting (which for me is a good thing) before I'm back on the sidewalk and we're headed for one last pub to see what they have.

The Solvang Brewery is open...fifth time is a charm. We settle in and get a beer list. As I'm perusing the list, I notice that nothing is too appealing. I'm not much of a beer drinker to begin with, so it's kind of, "hmmm is there a cider or wheat beer on this list?" Well there's a cider, not my favorite company, but it'll work. Joel on the other hand, wants a beer. They have some sort of peach lager that sounds okay so he asks for a sample and I do too cause it sounds interesting.

We each get a one-sip sample, try it and realize it's gross. Normally, my opinion wouldn't count for much, but my beer drinking buddy is more of a beer-aficionado and even he doesn't like it. So I drink my cider and he gets an IPA. One sip of that and he's looking around like someone's playing a joke on him and he's really not in a bar after all. The IPA is apparently even worse than the peach lager.

I convince the waitress to take it away and replaced it (without charge) and Joel opts for a cider. He's done attempting anymore of the establishment's ales.

After the cider, there's no real urge to attempt anymore of this place's fare and we're back out the door in search of somewhere else. I decide that I really do want to try the sweet wine flight at the Olive House and so we're headed back. As we're walking there, Joel suggests this other tasting room because they have more of a sit down and stay a while feel than the Olive House, which is pretty much stand up, drink, leave.

Sounds fine. So we head across the street and down the stairs to Tastes of the Valley. The place is nice, but the closest thing to a sweet wine is a dry Riesling. We're directed to head a few blocks over to Lion's Peak. We walk in the door and it's packed.

"Back to the Olive House?"

"Yep"

U-Turn and back up the street we go, only to get to the corner across from the place and look up to see a "Closed" sign. How could I possibly have not foreseen this?

"Back to Figueroa Mountain?"

"Yep"

Back in the car. Back across town. Back to visit the hopefully now absent non-seen, but heard, growly dog. I tell Joel he gets to go in first just in case his friend is still there and still not in the mood for visitors. Joel agrees, then opens the door and says "Ladies first." Ass.

Finally we get a beer. Not my favorite, but by this point, it's been an adventure and quite a hilarious afternoon and any beer is a good reward.

Besides later in the evening is girls night with some other friends and there's bound to be much better alcohol there.

So that was my comedy for the afternoon. Hopefully is comes across somewhat as humorous in written word as it did in actuality.