Housing Nightmares

The Premise

Ever since I found out that I got the job in Santa Barbara, things have been quite hectic. I only have a two-week turn around between when my one job at FSA ended and when my new job at the Santa Barbara Sheriff's Department starts. Due to the short time frame I resorted to Craigslist to find a place to live. I was originally only going to have one day to go down to Santa Barbara and look for housing, so I tried to find as many places a possible to view in the one day, hoping the whole time that one of them would be great and wonderful and perfect. Ahhh....if wishes were horses and all that.

The Night Before

Thursday lead me to be driving to LA with my father (who was going for a work related conference that weekend) and my sister (who was currently out of work and thus bored, so I made her Greyhound it to the Bay Area just to drive back down to LA - aren't I a nice sister?). Em decided that driving Interstate 5 was the quickest way to die of boredom, so we chose to travel down 101 instead. This route of course eventually led us to end up in Santa Barbara a day earlier than I was originally planning on being there. So when one of the potential housing situations called to confirm for the next day, I asked to come see it that day instead. They replied "Yes" and the hunt for perfection was on. Little did I know at the time that this would be a long and daunting process met with many weird and crazy applicants. Weirder than me and that's saying a lot.

Applicant 1:

The first guy that let us look at his place, was a entrepreneur in his 30s that had one room available in his home now and would have another one available in a month. The house was kind of cute; green with white trim, hardwood floors, non-existent clutter, washer, dyer, etc. The current occupant though was a little odd. He was nice, but I think that he tired too hard. When he found out that Em worked in reality television, he spent 2 minutes looking for cameras and asking whether we were from "Punked." Then he though that Em was 12 or 13 and would not believe that she was older (at no time did he even suspect that Em and I were even twins). I kept trying to hint to my wayward family that we needed to exit, but they seemed to totally misinterpret the subtle eye rolls and shakes of the head as permission to ask more questions. When we finally did leave, both of them were like: "He was nice. What do you think? I think that would be a good place to live." My answer, "Never bring family with you house hunting, especially two members!"

The Big Day of Interviews

Friday morning Em and I drove back up to Santa Barbara from LA (we had stayed at Em's house the night before and ditched our dad at his conference) to look at the bulk of the places I'd found on Craigslist.

Applicants 2:

The first stop of the day was to a nice 5-bedroom house on the Mesa. The Mesa is considered one of the nicer places to live and as can be inferred from its name, it is high up and thus gives you a spectacular view of the coastline and the ocean. Well that was a bonus right off the bat. The housemate that showed us around was very nice, but came complete with adult ADHD. She kept switching conversations between telling us about the house and the other housemates (everyone in the house is older than me, early 30s to mid-40s), and talking to the trash men that were outside. Other than the un-lived in look that the house had (it was a little barren and didn't have any decorations on the walls or anything), the housemates were nice and the price was good. Applicants 2 were bumped to the top of my very short list.

Short Intermission:

In between looking at places, I needed to quickly run by the Sheriff's Department and sign my "Confirmation of Employment" and show the background officer some of the certificates and other requested information that I'd found since the last time I was down in the area. This did not go as planned. When your background officer starts off a conversation with: "I have some good news and I have some bad news. Which do you want first?" you know this isn't going to be your day. The good news was that there were no glitches in background and I was cleared there. The bad news was that they still hadn't received the final sign off from Medical because the lady that handles that was on vacation. As a result, myself and a few other soon-to-be employees, really weren't soon-to-be employees. Without the final signature, we didn't have jobs. I left with the final note, "Don't worry, it should be here by the end of the day or Monday."

I thanked the background officer, let the Sheriff's office with all the information on the health benefits that I was eligible for, for a job that I didn't have yet. But I couldn't think of that at the moment. At the moment I needed to worry about finding a home in a short amount of time.

Applicant 3:

This place was a small two-bedroom condo with a totally anal chick. The girl, about my age, owned the place and wanted to rent out the extra bedroom. The room was small for the price, and the not-so-subtle message from the owner was: "Don't make any messes. Don't make it look like you live here. Don't have anyone over. Etc. Etc." and to offset this: "I'm really laid back and easy going. I won't be here much because I travel a lot. Etc. Etc." Another one for my No list.

Applicants 4:

This was the place that I originally wanted based on email conversations. The place was inhabited by two 24-year-old girls that were mellow and laid back. The bedroom was large, the price good, the location great (in terms of driving to work). Em says that I scared the one girl showing it because I told her right there that I wanted the place. I don't think that was wrong. Why keep looking if you found something that you like? I was told that others were coming to view it and that they would make a decision in a few days and let me know. So with a sinking feeling I moved on.

Applicant 5:

A women that was a cross between multiple of my mother's craziest and kookiest friends. When Em jokingly said, "How do you feel about cop cars outside your home?" said in reference to me being a CSI; the reply was: "Oh, I'm used to that. The cops are always here for the neighbors." Not a good selling point.

Applicant 6:

I was originally going to look a master bedroom in a condo where a mid-30s man and a 20 year old girl were the housemates, but I decided that I didn't really have the funds for the place and that I didn't really want to live with a dog that could eat me (they had a Mastiff, which is the size of a horse). So I called them and canceled the interview.

Applicants 7:

These were the last applicants for the day and what I thought was my last hope. A mid-20s household with three people: a couple and one other. They were all very nice, but the home had a "we're just out of college, but wish we were still there" feel to it. It wasn't bad, but not really what I was looking for.

Small Break to Regroup

After Applicants 7, Em and I headed back to her place in LA. I spent the whole night and the next day debating on which place I thought I could live in and not spend my every minute at home in my room avoiding everyone else. It came down to the two girls (Applicants 4) and the older people (Applicants 2). Realizing that we could drive back through Santa Barbara on our way back to the Bay Area to pack, I decided to try and set up a few other viewings. At the time I was visiting with a friend of Em's so the only internet access that I had was on my cell phone, which is fine for looking up places, but not for typing emails. So I called my friend at home, who was gracious enough to type some emails from my hotmail account and send them for me. Great friends are wonderful.

My emails got me four more appointments. Not bad for short notice.

Day Two

Applicant 8:

This place was the worst looking building in a very ritzy area. The duplex wasn't that bad, just compared to its neighbors, it was a little lacking in love. The potential housemate was a nice, laid back guy my age. The place was cute with wood floors and a great view. But the price was kind of high and cable and internet were stolen. Still, this became a possibility if the girls never called back.

Applicants 9:

I went to look at this place specifically because I had a really great conversation with the woman on the phone and I thought that that might negate the other side-effects of living there. This place was a family home that came complete with an early-30s couple, their 18-month old girl (who was adorable) and a Chow that doesn't like men. The house was very nice, and the woman was friendly, but Em was right, I really don't want to live with a kid right now.

Applicants 10:

Two older women that lived in a house on an avocado farm. The house was probably built in the late 1800s and I don't think that it's been up-graded much since then. The women were nice, but the atmosphere in the house was gloomy.

Applicants 11:

A nice cute apartment, with a large room and an okay location. Another place where I told them straight out that I wanted the room. I was told that they'd already given it to someone else, but if she didn't call back to confirm that she wanted the place, then I could have it. Why show something if your don't even have it to give?

Worry and Debate

So Monday morning comes around and I'm back in the Bay Area with no official job and nowhere to live. And even though I should be freaking out (well more so than I was), I'm still packing my stuff and getting ready to drive down in my Penske truck the next morning. As I'm shopping for a bed, I get a call from my background officer with the final "Okay." So that's one less thing that I have to worry about. Now all that's left is to find a place to live.

The two girls from Friday (Applicants 4) emailed me to say that they had 6 potential roommates and that they were interviewing them all on Monday to make a final decision. I decided to give a phone interview and see where it got me. At the same time, I was leaving repeated messages with the older household (Applicants 2) telling them that I wanted their room, and I was calling Applicants 11 to see whether that room was available or not. By the evening, I've gotten an email from Applicants 2 saying that they had already rented out their room; and a phone call from Applicants 4 saying that they were going to go with someone else. Applicants 11 never got back to me so I can only assume that the other girl called them back.

I decided to go on Craigslist one more time and try and talk to someone and see if they'd be a good fit over the phone and move in the next day.

Applicant 12:

An older woman that had a cute apartment in a great location. I talked to her on the phone and told her my situation and thought that this might be a decent place to live. She said that she'd be around and so I scheduled to show up with all of my stuff and move in, if the place worked.

Monday night, Em decides that I should email a few other people just in case Applicant 12 doesn't work out. So I shot off an email with the byline "By the way I'm moving done with all my stuff, I hope that doesn't freak you out" to a few more people.

I think that part of the reason that I wasn't going completely out of my mind was that I had one woman email me and say that I could stay at her place for a few weeks if things didn't work out right away. So I was planning on putting my stuff in storage if I couldn't find a home. Although, you'd think that it would be easy enough to find one place that you liked and that liked you in 10 tries. But it seems that I have a knack for picking out the weirdoes in a crowd.

The Final Chance

As I'm driving down 101, following the giant Penske truck that they upgraded me too even though I didn't need it (Em's driving it cause she likes big trucks), I get a call from one other person saying that it's okay if I come look at their room. Seeing as they are closer (driving and age-wise) to me than Applicant 12, I decide to check out their place first.

Applicants 13:

Ah Lucky 13. This was a 20s-ish couple that lived in a small, but comfortable two-bedroom apartment in a mega-complex with a pool, sauna, weight room, etc. Near a shopping center with a movie theater, Borders, Costco, coffee, etc. The apartment was nicely decorated with Z-Galleria furniture (like Pier 1 Imports or Pottery Barn...basically nice stuff). Five seconds after entering, I love the place and the couple. We have instant repertoire and it feels right. So I tell them that my stuff is down the block in a Penske truck (Em thought it was best not to show up with it for the interview) and can I move in. They say "Sure."

Thus after 13 potential homes, a few fretful days, and some raw nerves, I now have a nice comfortable room in a cute apartment with some really cool roommates. I made Em call Applicant 12 cause I knew she'd be mad that I never came to look at her place. Em pretended to be me and called to tell her, "Thanks, but I found somewhere else." That led to a five-minute rant by the woman and evil glares from Em. She wasn't too happy that I never came by and said that I made her wait all day for me to come (which really wasn't true because I told her I would be there later in the day and called her when I was three hours away). I felt a little bad, but not so much. She'll find someone else and I like my new place. As for making Em have to listen to the rant...hey what are sisters for?

So that's it. I have a job that officially starts on July 16th and a cute new home. You're all welcome to come visit.